The Evening Is The Only Part That Is Mine

It is eleven forty and you are going to watch one more.

You already know that. You knew it about twenty minutes ago, and you have not said it to yourself, because saying it would mean deciding it, and this works better as something that just happens.

You have to be up at half past six.

And here is what makes this different from every other article about going to bed earlier. You are not confused about the arithmetic. You know exactly what you are doing and exactly what it will cost you tomorrow, and you have known every night for about two years, and you do it anyway.

So there is no point explaining it to you again.

What I want to do instead is take your side of it seriously, because I think your side of it is actually right, and every piece of advice you have been given about this has quietly assumed you are just weak.

Here is what I think is happening.

The day started at half past six and somebody wanted something within about four minutes. And from there to about ten in the evening, every hour had a claim on it. Work. The house. The people. The messages. The one who needed help with the thing. The call you had to make on your break.

Not one hour of that belonged to you.

And at about ten, or half past, the house went quiet and the claims stopped, and for the first time since half past six there was an hour with nothing in it that anybody else had a say over.

You are not staying up because you are undisciplined. You are staying up because that is the first free hour you have had, and going to bed means the day ends without your ever having had one.

That is not weakness. That is a completely reasonable person reaching for the only unclaimed time available.

And I am not going to scold you for it. Not once in this article.

Come ye yourselves apart and rest a while

There is a moment in Mark where the pressure gets described exactly, and then an instruction is given about it.

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. (Mark 6:31, King James Version)

They had no leisure so much as to eat.

Look at the description first, because it is your day.

Many coming and going. A constant stream of people arriving with things. And the measure given for how bad it had got is not exhaustion or complaint, it is that there was no gap left in which to have a meal. The demand had filled the day so completely that the ordinary human business of eating had nowhere to happen.

That is a recognizable condition and it is described without one word of reproach for the people in it.

And then the instruction, and there are three parts to it.

Come ye yourselves apart. Yourselves is doing real work there. Not go and rest so that you can serve better. Not withdraw for the sake of the work. Come ye yourselves, which makes the rest belong to the person taking it.

Into a desert place. Somewhere else. Physically apart from where the coming and going happens.

And rest a while. A while, which is a real quantity, not a lifetime and not five minutes.

So the need you have at eleven forty at night is not a fault to be corrected. It is named in the Gospel, taken seriously, and answered with an instruction. The only thing wrong with your version is the hour you have been forced to take it in.

The hour you are reaching for is one you were told to take, and needing it has never once been a weakness. Mark 6:31 sends people apart to rest for their own sake in the middle of the demand, and the Holy Spirit is the one present with somebody at eleven forty who has not had an hour all day.

The problem is the hour, not the hour

Here is the practical half, and it is a small distinction that changes everything.

You do not have a discipline problem. You have a scheduling problem.

The need is legitimate. The time you have been taking it from is the only part of the day nobody else has claimed. Those are both true, and together they produce a completely rational decision that is wrecking you.

Because there is one thing wrong with taking your hour after eleven, and it is not moral. It is that the hour after eleven is not free. It is borrowed, and the loan is repaid at half past six with interest, and the interest is a whole day of being three quarters present.

So you are getting your hour, and you are paying for it with the following sixteen.

And here is the thing about that: the hour you take at eleven forty is not even a very good hour. You are too tired to read properly. You are not really choosing what you are watching. It is the fourth one and you could not describe the third. What you are doing is not rest, exactly. It is occupation of unclaimed territory, which is a different thing, and it does not restore anybody.

Which means the fix is not to take the hour away from you. Anybody who tries to take it away has misunderstood what it is for and you will fight them, correctly.

The fix is to move it into the daylight, where it costs nothing.

What you have is a scheduling problem wearing the costume of a discipline problem, and that hour has never once been the thing that was wrong. The written word calls people apart to rest in the middle of the demand rather than after it, and the Spirit of God is the one who is with somebody who has been paying for an hour with a whole day.

Take the hour before nine

So here is the assignment, and both halves are required.

Take one hour for yourself before nine tonight, and go up at your normal time.

The first half is the point of the whole thing. Between about seven and nine, take an hour and make it yours. Actually yours: the thing you would have chosen at midnight. The book, the program, the guitar, the bath, the phone call to your friend, the sitting in a chair doing nothing on purpose.

Say it out loud to whoever is in the house. This hour is mine. That is not a negotiation and it does not require anybody's agreement.

The second half is what keeps this from being a trick.

Go up at your normal time. Not earlier. Do not turn this into a bedtime improvement scheme, because the moment it becomes that, the hour stops being yours and becomes a technique for making you sleep, and you will drop it inside a week and you will be right to.

You are not moving your bedtime. You are moving your hour.

And here is the part I want you to watch for tonight, because it is the thing that will surprise you.

At about eleven forty you may find the pull is not there in the same way. Not because you are being good. Because the thing you were reaching for at eleven forty, you already had at half past seven, and there is nothing left to reclaim.

And if the pull is there anyway, take the hour anyway tomorrow. Nothing has failed. There is no streak.

You are able to take your hour in the daylight where it costs nothing, and it has never once had to be stolen from the dark to count. Mark 6:31 says come ye yourselves apart, and rest a while, and the Holy Spirit is the one present with somebody claiming an hour at half past seven in the evening.